Narcissistic Hypersexuality - Healing from Betrayal Trauma

Overview

"Sexual betrayal trauma differs from fear-based or 'stranger' traumas, because it is a violation that is perpetrated by the very person you would typically turn to for safety, comfort, and protection. It is the person who would be your refuge in the storm; the one you count on to respect your boundaries and your right to informed consent.

In sexual betrayal trauma, your significant other is the perpetrator of the event- the hypersexual narcissist is one who is not only preoccupied with pornography viewing, or purchases sex from sex workers, or visits cybersex chat rooms, or has affairs, he feels entitled to do so -and therefore cannot serve you as a protector, a refuge for healing. 

In fact, this person now becomes the consistent reminder of the hurtful and devastating reality of the offense they've committed and the broken trust.  You may also become steeped in fear of recurrent violations, feeling the need to be on constant alert for signs of further betrayals. You acquire the new role of chief investigator and steadfast spy in order to feel safe. This is not a role you ever aspired to, but you feel unmoored without it.

Not surprising that narcissistic personalities are highly correlated with sexual betrayal. Sexual intentness is typically on the narcissist's terms only. "I want what I want when I want it." Sex can be accessed and experienced with the simple touch of a key on the lap top or electronic device, or with payment to someone rendering such services, with no strings attached; no reciprocity of meeting a need, being held accountable to a standard, no judgement or measurement for performance.

The stimulating rush is experienced through fantasized, fictionalized stories of a very desirable, master of the sexual universe.  Because this soothing and stimulating distraction is so easily accessible-and narcissists tend toward detachment and quick gratification, as well as insufficient self-control, poor boundaries, and a sense of entitlement to do as they please-the probability for hypersexual acting-out and sex addiction become compelling.